Today our son is 1.93 lbs(0.88 kg). His fist is the size of a black berry. His body is the size of a papaya and he is getting smarter and stronger everyday.
Another week down, another week less to go. It’s been a wonderful but stressful journey. All the struggles, all the hard times, all the good times and the sweet moments will culminate with the birth of our beautiful son. And if you ask me, it’s all worth it!
Today, I put my hand on my girlfriends belly and to my pleasant surprise, I could feel our son’s body(or head). It gave me a glimpse into how it will feel once he’s here and I’m holding him. In my conscious mind, I know that I have a baby on the way and that he’ll be here hanging out with us in about 3 months, but in my subconscious, his arrival is slowly sinking in. Moments like the one earlier today, where I could feel his body are the moments that allow my subconscious to gradually believe that our baby is coming. I’m sure that by the time he’s born and we’re in his presence, my subconscious will know that he’s real. I can’t wait for that moment. The greatest gift ever, our perfect baby will be here with us.
Something else I’ve realized in this process is that relationships can be very hard. Before we were pregnant, my girlfriend and I had gotten to a point where we knew each other very well. We depended on each other, it was almost like a marriage. After becoming pregnant, we were learning even more things about each other. Religion and family dynamics were now in play. It was almost like reading through the first edition of a book then when the second one came out, there were new stories and more chapters. The struggles were real and our rough patches were filled with hardships as we pushed ourselves along a sometimes seemingly endless tunnel, hoping there was light on the other end. And what do ya know…at the end of the tunnel there was a light brighter than the sun. Through all the rough patches and hardships, my girlfriend and I had emerged from the end of the tunnel in a better place than ever before. We were closer and seemingly on a different level in our relationship, a new plateau if you will. I truly believe that hardships bring people closer…if they are able to make it through them. We are getting stronger everyday. The struggle is real, but so is the love.
Now that we have our relationship back, we are truly ready to add to it. I know now that our son will be born into a family full of love. Knowing that my son is coming is forcing me to look at myself as a human being. I ask myself if I am ready to have a son. If I am strong enough as a man. The answer is yes and no. I’m strong enough and ready to be a father, but I know that I want to be better than I currently am…for him. I already feel like I’ve grown so much since finding out we were pregnant, but I feel like I still have a ways to go. Some of the growth will come after he’s born, I’m sure. Being a father is the weirdest mix of challenges and emotions behind those challenges. Usually, when I feel like I’m facing a challenge with high importance, I approach with anxiety and fear. Strangely in this case, the importance is greater than ever, but I am looking forward to the challenge. I’m actually eager to become a dad and to watch my son grow. I find myself longing to run around with him, picking him up and pretending that he’s flying as I smile proudly while out of breath and listening to him laugh. I can’t wait.