My Journey: Week 32 – The Protector


Today, our baby is weighs 4.19 lbs(1.9 kg) and is 17.2 inches tall…about the height of a stalk of celery.

 

Nesting

Week 32 has been a very productive week in this journey…mostly because my girlfriend is in her nesting phase and she has been actively checking off items our baby checklist by getting all the smaller but important things. She ordered a hospital bag for when we go in for the delivery, we also got a bunch of accessories for the hospital bag. baby bath tub, wash cloths, towels, organic diaper rash cream and she also got some nursing apparel. I feel like we are very prepared for his arrival.

 

It Smells Good In Here

My girlfriend has recently gotten into collecting indoor plants. She’s been researching the different plants that help clean indoor air for us and and our baby. This is a great hobby and it’s happening at the perfect time because the summer months are approaching and that means windows and doors will constantly be open for ventilation and cooling. The plants of choice are a Peace Lily, a Snake Plant, and Aloe Plants. She’s also been propagating some of the plants, allowing for the formation of more smaller ones. Propagating is the process of taking small portions of a bigger plant and potting those in their own soil. Eventually these smaller plants will become full-sized and we will have rooms full of air-cleaning plants without having to buy a bunch of them. Indoor plants are great, especially with a baby on the way.

 

Special Moments

Lately, I’ve been placing my hand on my girlfriends belly while she is sleeping to feel my son’s movements. I can feel full movements as he stretches, punches, kicks and rolls whereas before, I used to only be able to feel short “punches” and “kicks”. These moments are very special to me because I feel like I am alone with my son. Doing this makes me feel like I am bonding with him…sometimes I actually wonder if he knows it’s my hand that he is pushing up on. I love this kid and I can’t wait to meet him!!

 

Bachelor Status

I’ve been thinking about my life recently. About how I feel about being a dad in a committed relationship. Becoming a dad means that I can no longer just get up and go out with friends at the drop of a dime. No more sitting around playing video games for hours and hours during the day. These days are going to be over soon. But am I happy about this? Let me think for a moment…yes!! I am approaching 40 years old. I have had the chance to live my life as a single bachelor for decades and I feel like I am ready to be a dad. I am ready to commit to my girlfriend. Besides, the single life wasn’t that great anyway. Going out on dates and meeting new people may sound great for outsiders looking in, especially for married guys, but having a companion, a partner, someone to wake up to in the morning is a better option for me. So, yes, I am happy to be in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and a father to our baby.

 

The Protector

Sometimes I think to myself how much danger there is in the world. There’s a lot to be cautious of. In moments of conflict between two individuals, walking away is harder and harder to do. Men want to assert their dominance over the other because their pride is at risk. But while keeping pride afloat, you don’t know what the other guy had in his pocket. Is it a knife? Is it a gun? You don’t know until it’s too late. Luckily, I haven’t been in any altercations that involve weapons while asserting my dominance(knock on wood) but with my son and my girlfriend needing me these days, it makes me see how stupid I am sometimes. I’m a work in progress. I’m trying to swallow my pride so I can keep me and my family safe. Even with that said, I am ready to protect my family by any means necessary!! Guys won’t admit it, but sometimes it’s scary being the protector. Being the one that is willing to fight off threats against me and my family can be a frightening responsibility. Especially because it’s a duty that I can’t take a break from or neglect. It’s a responsibility that I can’t fail at. Lately I’ve gotten more comfortable with this responsibility. I’ve actual come to embrace it. I trust that I am the only person that can do it and I prefer to do it but I am also trying to keep in mind that there is a difference between protecting my family and looking for a fight.

 

OCD

Being a person that suffers from OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), I may be putting my son in an undesirable disposition. I don’t know much about OCD and genetics, but I do know that even though my dad didn’t suffer from OCD, my mom did, and so do I. But I also believe that OCD doesn’t have to develop if it isn’t provoked. My childhood really killed me emotionally. I remember not accepting myself and thinking I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t feel accepted. I didn’t feel like I was good enough to be a brother to my siblings. I didn’t feel like I was good looking enough to be accepted in school. Other students would torture me by saying I was “ugly” or “stupid”. I felt alone a lot. I didn’t have an outlet. I just needed someone to be there for me during my struggles. But nobody knew I was struggling. Therefore, nobody reached out their hand to me. Knowing what I know now, I am going to be my son’s biggest supporter. I will love him, I will encourage him, I will make sure that he knows that he is perfect just the way he is. That no matter what, I will love him and that I am his biggest fan. And that if he ever needs someone to talk to, I will always be there to listen and give my guidance. I will be his outlet. My responsibility is to make sure he is doing well emotionally, that he doesn’t develop OCD.

 

In Closing

It’s very important to me to protect my family mentally and emotionally. Without them, there wouldn’t be me. They are my joy in the world. I will try my hardest to make sure that my family has everything they need, this includes having enough of my time and support. I’m not perfect and I never will be…but I will do my best and that’s all that I can do.

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